A Different Kind of Thankful

This Thanksgiving, I’m a different kind of thankful.  I don’t really know how to describe it, other than a deep, uncluttered, peaceful thanks.  It’s amazing how just a couple months away from life as you’ve always known it can dramatically change your perspective. I also fear how quickly life can go back to “normal” when removed from these circumstances. (more thoughts on this later)

Today as I think about life and the incredible privilege of serving a God who allows us to be a part of something so much bigger than ourselves, our ideas and our plans, I am struck by what almost feels like an ache…heartache, I think.  My heart is so full just from the 9 weeks we’ve been here.  It feels like a big twisted ball of mental pictures, moments, beauty, pain, growth, questions, love, grief, hope and gratitude.

I’m thankful for all of the ways that God is shaping my heart. Its not easy, but its so worth it.  I’m grateful for the new perspective, but I’m also wrestling with how I came to this new appreciation because it has come as a result of seeing the brokenness and challenges that so many face.  Am I somehow unknowingly adding to their pain by using this experience as a way to simply reshape my self-centered perspective?  If all that I’ve seen and experienced simply brings me to a deeper level of gratitude for life, God’s grace and work in my life, these things wouldn’t be bad. However, I don’t think the point is to be changed and go home. I want all of these experiences to shape me and grow me in order to serve God better, more effectively and passionately.

My heart longs for new things and I’m grateful for that, but challenged by the overwhelming responsibility I feel to do something about it. I know that I can only do so much and that God is ultimately in control, but whatever task He puts in front of me, I want to be faithful with it.

I’ve seen first hand the truth that joy does not come from having more. It’s actually been quite the opposite. I appreciate all of the “things” God has given me and they do make life more enjoyable and easier at the surface level.  But in a way, I can allow these gifts to become too important and piled so high that they block my view of what’s truly valuable. The true purpose of gifts in my life is to bless others and glorify the One who gives them. I so easily forget this.

This year has been a whirlwind and I could never recount all the blessings it has brought.  

If I tried, I’d say:

Committing my life to loving and serving alongside Timothy Wilson wherever God leads! If the first 6 months are any indication of the rest of the adventures we’ll have, we better hang on tight!

Experiencing the love, care & community of friends & family making our wedding day the celebration it was. It was my favorite day ever. I’ve never felt so loved.

God planting the crazy idea to move to Haiti to run a guesthouse into our hearts and seeing Him pave the way.

His grace in allowing US to do this. We recognize that anyone could have run a guesthouse, but He allowed us the privilege of stepping out in faith and trusting Him in a new way.

Countless friends, family & strangers who supported us financially, spiritually & emotionally as we embarked on this journey.

God providing friends & community here in Haiti.

Love for a new culture, way of life & perspective.

The incredible joy of seeing children leave behind the life of an orphan and become a beloved child in a loving family. Truly amazing!  (and how it is a tangible example of God’s adoption of us into his family)

God’s sustaining grace in some pretty challenging times of adjustment.

So, I guess my heart aches from the weight of the goodness God has shown in my life, gratitude for His provision, mixed with the heaviness of the new, deeper longings in my heart. Namely, that I’d live my life in a way that matters for eternity, that no child would be without the love of a family and that tangible needs would be met in people’s lives in a sustaining way that points them to the Giver of all things.

My prayer is that I’ll use the gifts He’s given in way that honors Him and in some small way that my life will be an offering of Thanksgiving to Him!

Tim's Haircut

Today I received my second Haitian haircut, this time at a barbershop in Tabarre, instead of Delmas 75.  The room was rather narrow and long, with about 6 or 7 staff “working” there.  Surprisingly, mounted on the wall was a very crisp and clear HD television, which was broadcasting a European Football match.  Everyone in the room seemed to be captivated by intensity of the match, even the gentleman cutting my hair. 

As groovy Reggae sounds vibrated the shop, the calm and collected barber attempted to cut, perhaps his only white customer’s hair of the day.  I am always amazed at how incredibly at-ease most Haitians are.  Everyone in the shop was feeling the music, lounging in his or her chairs, and simply existing.  Not a single person appeared rushed or worried about a thing, but instead it seemed as if everyone had been sitting there for days.  Unlike my previous trip to the barbershop, everyone in the shop did not stare at me as if I were an alien.  I was quite relieved about this. 

Much to my relief, once again my hair turned out well and I avoided a much-feared disaster.  Additionally, the barber also only charged me $5, which was quite a steal – especially for a haircut.  I am always amazed at how hard Haitians will work when given a specific task.  Of course there are exceptions, however, many of my friends and acquaintances in PAP have shown me the value of work in such meaningful ways.  Sadly I am sure that I must be quite lazy compared to many of the Haitian workers that I come across.  There is something so special about working hard that simply cannot be defined, though a man can simply recognize when he has put forth a long days work. 

I am not sure that one way of living (having plenty or very little) is “better” than the other, but I can say that when people are accustomed to having very little, it seems as if their joy and treasures are naturally in more lasting things (such as family, friends, simple meals, etc.).  Many Haitians are desperate for work – so that they can provide for their families.  They are not worried about graduate school and weighing their options, they just need to make what they can make so that they can survive. 

As American’s, we are so incredibly blessed to have options, but is this really a blessing or a curse?  I am not sure I can answer that question but I can say that things often cloud our view of God.  Particularly as Americans, we do not realize how incredibly wealthy we are, and whatever we do realize, we think of our wealth as something to brag about or to only be thankful for. It is true that we should be thankful for all of the things in our life, because God is the giver of every good and perfect gift – however, what if our gifts often keep us from knowing God the way we were meant to? 

The questions that I have been wrestling with lately are, how do I work in a satisfying way, so as to give glory to God?  How do I enjoy the things that I have, without making an idol out of them?  How do I enjoy the gifts that I have without them blocking my view of God?  How do I avoid reducing life to having things… to basking in things that make me feel comfortable (i.e. WiFi, Air Conditioning, Driving a car, Snacking on food anytime, Drinking latte’s from Starbucks, Going to movies, Sleeping in a soft bed, Keeping plenty of clothes in my wardrobe, etc.) Surely American’s do not realize that most of the world lives without the comforts that they’re accustomed to enjoying.  Should that, however, make us so much more grateful for our belongings or our jobs – or should that make us long for the giver of things all the more? 

Haitian Food 101

When you move to another country, you sign up for many new things from climate & currency to language & diet. The first thing that people often associate with Haitian food is rice and beans- which is absolutely correct!

Food is a huge & interesting aspect of a country’s culture.  In the United States, there is such diversity & variety.  In one week, we can easily travel the globe just through the food on our plates, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Thai and so many more.  If I’ve had Italian food one night and it’s suggested a couple days later, I’ll often think, “I just had that.”  So spoiled!  The thing about being in another country is that you eat a specific kind of food every day.  I know it seems obvious, but it’s just different and takes some getting used to.

The day-to-day menu and routine revolves around a certain rotation of specific local ingredients, inexpensive staples, spices and a variety of meats.

Food is something we take for granted so easily in the U.S.  It’s always available and nearly everywhere we turn, we see a grocery store, coffee shop or restaurant. It’s also more than just sustenance & a source of energy.  Food brings people together to celebrate, socialize and entertain.  We care for people by preparing & lovingly serving food to welcome them into our home.  We watch TV shows about food, research the new places in town to indulge in something different and spend a lot of time & energy planning our days around our next meal, snack or treat. So much of life revolves around food. Don’t get me wrong. I love food. I’m thankful for it, love to prepare it, share it and talk about it. Let’s be real; I take dozens of pictures of food.

However, being in Haiti has caused me to step back and rethink a few things about how I view what I eat.

In Haiti, the plan is for the day.  What will we buy, cook & eat today.  That’s all.  Electricity is a luxury and refrigeration almost non-existent.  Many streets are lined with vendors selling rice, fruits, vegetables, meat, beans, eggs, oil and spices.  Simply getting the food needed for the day can be a struggle. Many go without.  I saw a baby boy in an orphanage hanging onto life due to malnutrition. He was just skin & bones, which I think would cause anyone to ask a few questions about the extravagant abundance experienced by so many and then this little guy nearly dying due to not having anything. Praise God he is in a safe place receiving the care he needs! I cannot imagine what a parent must experience to lack the resources to care for their own children. 

Where we live at the guesthouse is an exception as we have the privilege of having a generator to power a refrigerator, but it’s definitely the exception.

I’m not exactly sure how to really rethink or make changes in how I view food because these questions are still very much QUESTIONS in my mind.

Even here, I’ve taken a lot of food pictures already.  Tim doesn’t quite understand this quirk of mine, but he goes with it.

What I’ve learned so far about Haitian food:

• White rice is eaten almost every day.

• Haitians eat 2 meals a day- one in the morning & one at about 4:00. Part of the 2^nd meal might be saved for later in the evening. Both meals are similar- rice, meat, beans, Haitian Spaghetti, pictured below. (includes spaghetti, hot dogs, mayo & ketchup)..not cereal & toast. ;)

my first 7 am BBQ chicken experience

• There are a few basic carbs eaten every day- rice, mayi moulen (corn porridge, see below), spaghetti, & millet.

• Meat is a small part of a meal and often in a red sauce.

• Beans are also included in most meals either with rice or as a bean sauce.
• Food preparation is a time-intensive process from shopping, transporting, cleaning, pealing, chopping and cooking. It can often take all day to prepare one meal.

• Shopping at a market is not a walk in the park. Hot & crowded! 

• Food doesn’t come from a package or box. Its all prepared from scratch.

• Plantain chips, bought off the street, are super tasty. They are about $0.25 a bag.

• Peanut butter is spicy. 

• Hot sauce is put on everything. (Too hot for me!)

• There are a number of stores where American brands can be purchased, but they come with quite a price tag.

$87!

Juice on sale for $7.50 USD

$40 for these 7 things

• The best fresh fruits & juices! Grenadia juice is my favorite. (passion fruit)

So there you have it...Haitian food 101!

Guesthouse Staff

I wrote a blog post for the AWAA blog today.  Check it out here!

http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2013/11/haiti-guesthouse-staff.html

Generous Gifts

To say that people have been generous is a huge understatement. To see God work through His people is incredible.  God did all of this. We sent an email and spoke at church for 30 seconds. God moved in the hearts of believers, our friends, our family and STRANGERS to meet our financial needs.  

Amazing. Humbling. Crazy.

He put it on people’s hearts; they heard, responded and gave. Generously! Without hesitation; people acted.  These acts of kindness have caused me to think deeply about my view of resources and finances. Do I do the same when a need is presented? Do I tend to think that others will take care of it?  People with more money, better jobs and fewer commitments are better equipped to meet a need?  My excuse list is long and I am sorry. Sorry for all the opportunities God has given me to give and I held back. I said its “mine.” I determined what I needed more than what someone else may have needed.  I said that my need was more important than another’s. 

To see inside my heart in these moments makes me cringe, but to look forward to a new response gives me hope. Hope that I am slowly becoming more like Him. He is so patient with me. Thank you God for showing me even more that it is all YOURS!  I want to respond to needs wisely, sacrificially and without hesitation.  Not to wonder how much to keep and how much to give, but to ask daily how to use what He has provided.  Holding loosely, clenched fists now open, hands out; remembering that time, gifts, resources & money are placed in my hands to use in a way that glorifies Him.

Quite literally for the first time we are living the next year on finances that we did not “earn.” They were freely given. What a picture of grace! Thank you for helping me see the gospel so clearly and with such a tangible expression of love.  God’s ways are so much higher than mine. God literally provided thousands of dollars in a matter of days and we are still crazy excited, thankful and awe-struck.

In my heart, these acts of kindness have raised the question: how much more should I rejoice and be found speechless at the price that was paid for my eternal debt? A gift that I could never even attempt to earn or pay back. It was free and the cost was immeasurable; yet it was a given to me. What a gift. God’s provision for Tim & my financial support is huge and incredibly humbling. We could not be here in Haiti without it.  

Our hearts are full.

What’s more is my eternal debt has been forgiven. Eternity has been changed; the full price paid with God’s only Son and His death on a cross. Now that is a generous gift. We could not spend eternity in heaven without this gift.  

Our hearts overflow!

What a humbling lesson to have been taught more about depth of the love and sacrifice of an amazingly generous God by the obedience of His children to respond generously to a tangible need in our lives.

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift! -2 Corinthians 9:15

And if you stayed till the end; here are a few pictures from our week...

Sweet play time with little ones.

Our Neighbor. 

New AWAA tshirt models!

Sweet Hudson

I had to share a story about my nephew, Hudson.  He is 4 years old and your typical, busy boy.  He loves "Pider Man," waffles with nutella, whipped cream & sprinkles and being loud.  I enjoy our occasional Skype dates.  Usually he's a half-naked blur running past the screen. He will sometimes sing a song, even beat box, but is usually just yelling nonsense.  

We tease back and forth saying "no boys allowed" or "no girls allowed" and make plans to continue our tradition of making monster cookies the next time we are together. He's my little baking buddy and its the longest I ever see him focused on a task. (clearly because there are cookies at the end of the project)

Last week, we were on Skype and he was a little more tuned in than normal. He told me that every night, he prays with Grandma for the kids in Haiti who do not have enough food. 

I said something to acknowledge how thoughtful this was and said that there are a lot of babies who need a mommy and daddy.  Without missing a beat, he said:

"We can take care of one. He will will have to sleep in the room downstairs where my old crib is, but we'll get it cleaned up".

He was totally sincere in his offer and it was the sweetest thing.  I was so touched by his quick response as if it was a no-brainer to act and help meet this need.  What a blessing to see a glimpse into his heart.  Thank you for being an encouragement to me. I love you, sweet (crazy) boy.

I Have Seen...

In the midst of a lot of difficult and heart-breaking situations, God is still who He says He is. No matter what I see or experience, His character is still the same. I know its true because I have seen...

Unconditional love in a mother's arms.

Support from my husband. 

 

Peace in these waters.

 Joy in his smile.

Hospitality of new friends making brunch for us. 

Mystery in the unknown.

Hope for the children who will be adopted. 

Light piercing the darkness.  

Beauty in the views. 

Majesty in the mountains.  

Glory in the skies. 

Worship with other believers.  

Care from those we love. 

 Patience as we learn.

Creativity in nature.

Thanksgiving as they prayed before breakfast.

Sincerity in her saying her work is for Jesus.

Diligence as they worked for 2 long days crafting 4 pieces of furniture. 

 Provision as this sweet girl ate her peanut butter sandwich.

Innocence in her eyes.

Tenderness in these moments. 

Love from a stranger.  

Kindness from a man we met one time driving 45 minutes one way to take us to a Bible study.

Sacrifice from a couple who drove a long ways to come and spend time with us because we don't have transportation.

Perfect timing from a woman who responded to a request on Facebook just in time to pick us up for Church. AND making pizza for us. They also invited us to a Bible study & dinner this week.

Community in the group we met on Wednesday night; eating, singing & praying together.

Generosity from a man who took us out for dinner and ice cream and spent a total of almost 5 hours with us because traffic was so bad and was completely patient through it all.

Thank you God for the ways you have shown Yourself to us! 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 
-Hebrews 13:8